Day 4

16 Dec

The reflection today comes from my old mate Dave Steell

It might just be me but if I’m being honest I’m approaching this particular season tired, a bit fed up and struggling to believe in the reality of God, or at least a God who knows who I am.  You see I’m too busy, I have too many people expecting too much of me, I feel bruised and beaten up, under-appreciated, under-resourced and under the cosh.

I’ve been serving for so long in this place and it always seems to be others who get chosen ahead of me, they get the credit while I plod on playing my part as best I can, but nobody seems to notice. When I took the job on I thought it would lead to respect and reward but I’m a glorified caretaker who only seems to get complaints and criticism. My parents rejoiced when I got the job, they said I’d been chosen by God, well if that’s true He’s changed his mind, I haven’t been chosen for a long time.

To add to it all, my marriage is a sham.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife so much she’s been incredible, but I know that others look at us and whisper that I should have left her ages ago but secretly I wonder if it’s my fault we can’t have kids.  I guess we’ll never know but our days of hoping for that miracle birth are long over.

God, I don’t know what you’re up to, I think I’ve been pretty faithful to all you’ve asked me to do but I’m at the end of my tether, the world isn’t getting any better, the tension round here is unbearable and something needs to change.  What I wouldn’t give for some good news.  Mind you, I probably wouldn’t believe it if i heard it.



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