Thought for the Week (21)

10 Mar

Risky Living

I have kept a journal on and off for a number of years. I took up writing more frequently soon after my son Matthew was born in 2007. When I journal it takes in many areas and avenues. I try and keep it honest, it charts joys and sorrows, the mundane and the extra-ordinary. I have decided to use bits of entries in some of my ‘thoughts for the week.’ This partial entry was written just over a year ago, about 5 months after my mum lost her battle with Leukaemia.

“I think I remember writing last Ash Wednesday about the fragility of life in the wake of mum’s illness. This year it seems a personal challenge and call to me, to my family about taking risks, about pursuing things, about not leading such a safe life because of the risk of failure. The things which so often keeps me awake at night is that fear of failure. But actually can we fail at life? Perhaps the only sure fire way to fail at life is to look back and wish that I had had the guts to try that, to have not lived so safely. On my bus ride to work this morning, (which was lovely and calm due to the half term break) I continued to listen to my audiobook ‘Every Second Counts’ about the great cyclist Lance Armstrong who battled and beat cancer. As I reflected and heard the stories he told of the things he went through my eyes began to well up. A year ago mum was still here, she would have told us to go, to try, to see. She never stopped me making decisions about gap years, internships, career choices. She never have me an excuse not do do something which I probably would have jumped at not to take the risk.”

(Journal Wednesday 17th February 2010)

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