Tic Tok

16 Mar

I wrote this during the week as I have been going through a bout of bad sleep and also a bad night with toothache. Just to clarify this isn’t in response to anything in particular going on now, it’s more a reflection on various experiences over many years and my struggle to deal with conflict and criticism. It’s one of my most painful pieces to date.

Tic tok, tic tok,
The hours of darkness & starkness & bleakness
Wander on

Laying in bed, unable to sleep
My conscious mind screaming, what a creep.
My skin pierced by a pin, not even a knife.

I need to develop that hard, rough, tough thick skin.
The calloused and scaled, brought about by the long hard journey.
So as I lay counting the sheep,
The noise of their bleating wont allow me to sleep.

How long have I now been walking the walk,
Nearly as good as my talking the talk,
Somehow I seem still not to grasp it,
That my effort, popularity or fame
Whether people love me or hate me,
Listen or laugh
Or cause me to curse
That’s what it means to follow,
A life mixed with joy and with sorrow.

As the night hours drag on,
Questions enter my mind.
Thoughts of being right or wrong
Somehow invade my psyche
Adding the lyrics in my mind to the song.

Why is wrong always my default position?
Beating myself up with all this ammunition.
Does thick skin mean you care no more?
Or is it a coping mechanism for those who dare?
To dare and to fly or to dare and to die?

Pioneers and the final frontier
Out on the edge or out on a limb?
Talking of limbs amputation is painful
People and their words, even those of ‘the faithful.’

But here’s the thing that really pulls my chain,
The things that riles me & causes life to drain.
Hell yeah disagree but have the bottle to say it,
Don’t hide behind a mask and make someone else say it.
Grow yourself a backbone and come out from behind the stone.

But for me I know it’s all a pipe dream,
So the thickest of skin needs to grow and to harden
Like feet able to walk on a bottle that’s broken.
So here’s where this rhyme ends,
And now for that skin to harden

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One Response to “Tic Tok”

  1. Pip March 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

    A night can be a long time, can’t it. I like that (strange) image in Psalm 121, ‘the sun shall not burn thee by day, neither the moon by night.’ That ‘moon’ I someimes see as a symbol of all that weighs on us during our ‘night.’

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